Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Shorter and flashier is better

Are you a sexy lady and wonder how you can seriously increase your power of seduction this summer? Here comes the answer. The average straight human male is irresistibly attracted by really short skirts and shorts. You knew that darling, but beyond a certain concentration of alcohol in his blood, and given that probably 20 other girls are also wearing things as short as yours in your immediate surroundings, you must absolutely capture the attention of the male by using a second more advanced trick: wear flashy colors. Thus he will be able to find his way to you without being distracted by these colorless sluts around you, and even though his vision ability is seriously deteriorated by booze, he'll get to you and will love you with all his heart, trust me.



For example, a white slutty skirt can be spiced up with flashy porn heels. On the other hand, black porn heels can be spiced up with a flashy see-through dress. Get it? Is it me or the "white daddy" dude with his bike on the left seems to be horrified by what he sees?


This whole process of seduction is described by the so-called FT-Law (note that FT stands for Fuck Tonight not Fashion Terror...):
X = A*f / s

Where X is the probability (in %) of a sexual intercourse later tonight, f the flashiness of your shoes or skirt/short on a scale ranging from 1 to 10 and s the length of your skirt/short from belt to bottom in meters. A is an empiric constant which depends on the region, in Stockholm A is about 2.1 which is much higher than for Saudi Arabia, trust me.



Example: f=9, s~0.25m => X=75.6% ! This is huge, at least compared to my own chances of getting laid with her that same night...



This green was less flashy but the short a bit shorter: f=7, s~0.2m => X=58.8%

Unfortunately, no formula for estimating the painfulness of the walk of shame to come has been published in the literature yet :(

Sleep tight.
/fashionterror

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