Monday, August 13, 2012

Annihilating barefootistas

Achtung achtung folks! A worrying recrudescence of I-go-barefoot attention-whores has been observed in the streets of Stockholm this summer!
Be careful, they look like hippies but they are actually worse for at least 10 reasons:
  • They smoke Lucky Strikes instead of weed
  • So technically, they don't have any weed to sell
  • They only have 1 sexual partner and won't even share her/him with us
  • Instead, they share the lamest vegan propaganda links on Facebook
  • Worse, still on Facebook, they keep an updated "in a relationship with" status with this sexual partner they don't want to share
  • They brush their teeth at least twice a day and don't mind stepping barefoot into gross human byproducts such as pee, barf, santorum etc... (there is no dog shit on Swedish sidewalks)
  • They are artists because they play CDs in a shitty bar once in a while
  • They own iPhones and like to "like" pictures of cakes, food and shoes (how ironic!) posted by their Instagram friends
  • They try to ride long-skateboards and wear helmets
  • They carry tote bags aka canvas bags!

"Darling!? Let's synchronize our steps so we look even more awesome!!! Omagod, people must envy us so badly!!!"

"Darling!? Isn't it funny that your super fancy blue hat perfectly matches the pants of the super awesome guy of the picture above us?"

"... I'm so hardcore..."

Tote bags are totally 2008 but stupid animated GIFs are so keeewwwl!!! Randy and Sharon Marsh mimicking a sexual intercourse in their own vomit at a "hippie music festival" back in the days, you know, when it was cool to hang out barefoot... Courtesy of Comedy Central.

I guess you already knew that we're living in a fucked-up world... But seriously? Who wants to watch porn featuring girls who don't even wear outrageously high and slutty heels???

Sweet dreams, /f.terror

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